stress

I realised I have never completely comprehend what it means to be under alot of stress.

I can safely say that throughout my student life, I was never under any kind of stress at all.

My student stress was actually a conscious decision to be stressed out.

"Oh... deadline coming, havent done no shit. shit i'm screwed. I'm stressed!"
"Oh no.. I have 8 papers to sit for in 2 weeks! I'm so stressed!"
"Oh crap! 15,000 words essay to be written in a week! i'm super stressed!"

and there's nothing that an all-nighter cannot solve really! ( it's tested and proven!)

and i never have to think about school work when i do get the chance to sleep.

and I never get panic attacks so bad that I couldnt concentrate on what I was doing
and I never have to hide in the toilet to calm myself down
and I never have to stop what I was doing to just breathe
and I never have tears threatening to fall down every 4 seconds

but the worst feeling of all, is to be dead tired, and not be able to sleep at all.

It's like once i close my eyes, a wave of tasks undone come rushing.

I have 250 unread mails in my office inbox.

My office phone showed that I have 20 missed calls today.

It can only mean 2 things:



1) I wasnt at my desk


or


2) I am screwed!



.......and I was at my desk.

And it's 4.33am and I have to get up to blog to get my mind off work.

Maybe it's the "yuan yang" drink (this hk drink where they mix coffee and tea together) that I had for lunch, or that green tea I had for dinner that's keeping me awake.

maaaan i really need to sleep...... please let me sleep....





(such huge contrast from the last entry huh? oh such is life....)