I realised I have never completely comprehend what it means to be under alot of stress.
I can safely say that throughout my student life, I was never under any kind of stress at all.
My student stress was actually a conscious decision to be stressed out.
"Oh... deadline coming, havent done no shit. shit i'm screwed. I'm stressed!"
"Oh no.. I have 8 papers to sit for in 2 weeks! I'm so stressed!"
"Oh crap! 15,000 words essay to be written in a week! i'm super stressed!"
and there's nothing that an all-nighter cannot solve really! ( it's tested and proven!)
and i never have to think about school work when i do get the chance to sleep.
and I never get panic attacks so bad that I couldnt concentrate on what I was doing
and I never have to hide in the toilet to calm myself down
and I never have to stop what I was doing to just breathe
and I never have tears threatening to fall down every 4 seconds
but the worst feeling of all, is to be dead tired, and not be able to sleep at all.
It's like once i close my eyes, a wave of tasks undone come rushing.
I have 250 unread mails in my office inbox.
My office phone showed that I have 20 missed calls today.
It can only mean 2 things:
1) I wasnt at my desk
2) I am screwed!
.......and I was at my desk.
And it's 4.33am and I have to get up to blog to get my mind off work.
Maybe it's the "yuan yang" drink (this hk drink where they mix coffee and tea together) that I had for lunch, or that green tea I had for dinner that's keeping me awake.
maaaan i really need to sleep...... please let me sleep....
(such huge contrast from the last entry huh? oh such is life....)